handbook of the hopelessly devoted

2005-01-01T05:46:00.000-08:00

happy new year.i dont even noe wats e big deal..but im sure not gonna miss those party held up for the 'big' event..went to full moon@ east coast last night.was quite okaay uh..the pub was infested wif lots and lotsa malays minahs and sluts..haahaha..but went well though.y not?there were bartops(again..haha)..and beers and damn lotsa malay gurls..left arnd 3 to pasir ris.hangd arnd for a while and then picked up my fren's sister at boat quay and then back to bedok to meet the rest of e guys..had a good sleep..haha..i hadnt bathe till now.

im suddenly finding interest in sumone.. am i?

2004-12-25T21:52:00.000-08:00

its almost 2 and she still havnt fucking called.

went to tamp ysterday.went to watch oceans twelve.was pretty okay.but oceans eleven is way much better..more actions.before that we hangd around at the arcade..played sum crazy punching games..haha.and to s-11..saw nadia walking towards our group..with this sum guy. i pretended to look elsewhere..haha..i had that idoncarewhoyourewithnow look..i knew she'd call me later..and true enuff..haha.she joind us just a lil while later..wantd to bring her to the show but uhmm..i knew she werent be seated close..arh..fuckit..I AM OFF TO TEKONG AGAIN TMR..hopefully this time around things werent as bad as the last attachment..

ive been feeling down these last few days.but i had that damn damn wonderful dream last night.it was the most beautiful and greatest dream..id surely remember this one for ages to come..haha.i wont tell..i wont fuckinnngggggg tell cos it would never come true.....nvr come true..........................

i need solace badly..gimme my dewi

2004-12-18T20:27:00.000-08:00

yesterday was a great subtitute for the absence of my bday celebration.went to chevron in jurong with all of my campmates.and had a hell of a good time.they had this nights out for us and there were buffets and bartop dancers and performances and free flow of beer.it was really exciting.those damn dancers were so hot giving lapdances to bapak and nur..whoo~...yup they were malays alright..and the performances and lucky draws just made us stayd there thruout the whole event..and the beers..up yours..haha..i had hell 18 mugs o beer.couldnt control myself later on.we went slacking arnd my place later on..spouting nonsense.enjoying our very first outing together.nadia wanted to meet me later..told her to take a cab n i'll pay the fare later.went down but she wasnt there..was quite panic at the point.ran to and fro from my block to hers.searching frantically for any sign of hers..luckily a cab pulled in near her carpark and she came out.damn..was i so relieved..paid her cab fare..wich actually was insufficient.but the uncle was so kind hearted that he didnt made a fuss..haha..by that time i met her my stomach was getting crazy.still drowsy from all that beer and running around my place and her place..damn..it was close to 4 am then.and i had to be back in camp around 6 plus later..of course which i didnt managd to..i woke up at 6.45...haha..and im supposed to go to tekong at 7

2004-12-11T08:44:00.000-08:00

the Padang.i was there today.one of those days when i really had nothing to do.i didnt even wantd to find dewi.i watchd a good game of aggresiveness.rugby?..mayb this is one sport i might wanna indulge in.i always needed sumting to vent my anger out.my loneliness out.but i knew all the loneliness plus the anger build up in me will nvr b let out fully...yet?..but i wasnt alone.not for long.before i had sumone to talk to.yani.she came..altho after that match ended..but just in time when i needed sumone.and she was crap..haha..i mean..so like my companions..crap is cool..i mean crap talking.she then bought a combat jacket.the first girl who i knew had a combat jacket.shes cool.waited for another fren.addy.and then came a nurul,her adik, and a bith..a dog..swine..whatever.the bitch..it got the most super irritating high pitch menyampah fake english accent voice anyone would ever hear.don worry.u wont meet her soon.i heard shes off to malaysia soon for a really long time.wif a mouth like hers, no one needs her around.maybe in malaysia. and we went to esplanade.and home..yup home

2004-11-27T07:26:00.000-08:00

All she can do is force her
eyes open.
Scribbling out a few last
pathetic lines.
Well, you know what?
Maybe she will have to live for
one more day.
Just one more day to trip from
the most ultimate drug:
those three words that
come much too infrequently.

2004-11-27T06:45:00.000-08:00

i'm so faint hearted
breaking down
losing control
every single time you say those words
trauma?or was it drama?
true
this world is nothing but a stage
where i stand
i laugh when the world cries
and the world laughs
n i cry
let it be
let me be the fool
i'd spill blood
i'd rip my guts
but i'll still b kneeling in front of you
even if i know
it wont b easy
to get up later

lets see..i wont know when will i stop blogging again.but as long as i'm writing for now..i hope i wont lose my momentum..and i hope this time around nothing will stop me from blogging.. ever again..

raya has long ended for me..am i losing my culture.i dont find interest in raya outings.or the fact that its still in the raya month..but its only a culture..not a religion

2004-11-23T19:47:00.000-08:00

and there she was..on the round table.but she wasnt alone.we didnt talk much. but we did exchange glances.but rarely were words traded.i knew i had to leave.dont worry.i wont b that long.you knew i had to come back to you someday

2004-11-20T22:44:00.000-08:00

peices of her scribbled in mascara
not an empty spot on my beaten body
smudges were sins
she brought upon me
i hold u up high
never realized you could
fall upon me
oh, goddess dewi
your birth
this time around
will you bring
pleasure or pain
either way
its a chance of a lifetime
but it wont be the last time